Over-due Angst

I got home late last night and I was tired. But I'm pretty determined to get that freakin' Essence of the Furies without paying 4 million influence for it. That means a PuG, at least. I hate PuG's eighty percent of the time, though, and want to kill them after about half a mission. Sometimes less. The last one I was on, I was targetting teammates for fun after the second teamwipe. I left after the third. I didn't used to have such PuG-hatred, but since I'm used to a consistant large group of players that know what they're doing, I have less patience with stupidity.

Anyway, hooked up with a group of the usual suspects instead. I think it was a Council mission I joined in the middle of. It was pretty quiet, really. Mason and Fyre have ignoring each other down to an art form, and everyone really seemed to have missions and the game more on their minds than characters or RP, which was absolutely perfect for the mood I was in.

During a Banished Pantheon mission, I got Hamidon Goo! Oh, guess that's not really the important thing to note, though. Mason whispered for Frost, "Ask her how E is." The emphasis is mine. If Fyre heard, she ignored him. Frost told Mason to wait until they were done. I think it was a mission after that, while they were waiting outside, Frost asked Fyre if she'd heard from E. "No," she says. And nothing else. Frost says that E's normally with the team around now. Fyre acknowledges that's true. Guess she did hear Mason ask Frost to ask? After a minute, she relents and realizes that Frost probably wants to know himself. She says that E's back in the locked ward in the hospital, but that's all she knows. Star asks who E is (she's lost her memory), and Mason says, "their friend." Blood question the "their" and Mason says E doesn't need him. Blood mentions E being grumpy the other night, and says, "The man is dying. He is going to be moody." Fyre bolts for Ghost Falcon and ignores the rest of the conversation.

Well, most of it. The Best Line of the Night Award goes to Blood, again.
Bloodshot: So, Mase are you a quarter or a dime?
Masonry Redux: I don't understand what you mean.
Bloodshot: Well you flip like a coin, just trying to find out like which one.

A Hydra mission is next up, a couple of missions later, and Red Pulsarion joins up. The rest of the team waits forever for Frost and Mason. Everyone's just kind of sitting around inside the mission. (out door map, plenty of space). Frost and Mason finally get there, and wonder where everyone is. "Fyre's there," says Frost. The rest are on higher ground on a rock. Red asks about Fyre, "She OK?" Fyre says, "Yes," just as Frost starts to say," She's bee-" I'm so glad he stopped. She would have yelled at him, and I really don't want her going off on Frost. It'd be like kicking a puppy. A sick, injured puppy.

Red starts working on me and Fyre early:
Red Pulsarion: (chuckles) Wow, Fyre.
Fyre Hex: What?
Red Pulsarion: They're just all on the floor before I'm even starting.

I love doing damage, especially after that wanna-be damage the Warshade did. I love lobbing a fireball into a group and watching all those orange numbers float up. Yeah, I know, but I can't help it. It makes Fyre feel useful, and the acknowledgement makes her feel appreciated, neither of which she's felt much of for a long while.

Towards the middle of the mission, Mason comes up with:
Masonry Redux: Fyre, what are we pissed off about each other for this time?
Huh? What? Burning Hydra here.
Fyre Hex: I haven't said a word to you, Mason.
Masonry Redux: Which means you're pissed off at me.
Fyre Hex: Those are the only two sentences you've said to me, also.
Masonry Redux: Now why, I forget.
Masonry Redux: For three days.

Fyre's screaming in her head to herself something like, "Because you're a jerk! And if we talk, we're going to fight, and if we fight, we might kill each other!" But she doesn't say anything in order to not scream at Mason.

The rest of the mission goes pretty smoothly. They even took out a Shadow Cyst Crystal without any fatalities. As soon as everyone zones out of the mission, Mason flies over to Fyre.

Masonry Redux: Hey. I'm sorry.
Fyre Hex: For what?
Masonry Redux: He's dying.
Fyre Hex: Mason, shut up. See? You "apologize" and then try to antagonize me again.
Masonry Redux: I'm not antagonizing you.
Masonry Redux: I'm stating a fact.
Fyre Hex: Leave me alone, Mason. You're not trying to help at all.
And she takes off for the next mission.

Mason and Frost explain a little to Red, and Fyre completely ignores them. Red tries to give Mason some advice, but who knows if it sticks. The longer they talk, the harder it is for Fyre to ignore them, so she finds some stuff to beat up so she can't hear them. Nemesis, Malta-- perfect. And this is the Malta I remember. Two white-conning Gunslingers and some blue minions knock her right out of the sky. I unexemp, and hit Rise of the Phoenix immediately, and she wipes out the now-grays. Red tries to get Fyre's attention. She asks if they're ready for the next mission, but continues attacking things. Red tries to chase her down.

Fyre Hex: Don't follow me, you're going to get hurt. Just let me know when we're ready.

She runs straight into Blood, who's come up on her with his stealth suit on, but she sees the boots when she practically runs into him, and Red comes up from the other direction and asks her to stop.

Red Pulsarion: (gently) Fyre. Can you slow down just a minute?
Fyre Hex: What?
Red Pulsarion: I just wanna say one thing. Then I won't bring it up again, OK?
Fyre Hex: ::warily:: Okay...?
Red Pulsarion: My wife... she died of cancer about a year ago now. (clears his throat)
Red Pulsarion: >50 years, almost.
Fyre Hex: I'm sorry to hear that, Red, it must have been tough.
Red Pulsarion: (nods, seriously) Yeah, there--well, there were a lot of times I didn't know how I was gonna keep going.
Red Pulsarion: More when I was pretty sure I didn't want to.
Red Pulsarion: But here's the thing I want to say. You're--not alone. You understand?
Red Pulsarion: You got people around you who want to help you. Don't be afraid to let them try. They'll screw it up sometimes, like Mase did.
Fyre Hex: ::gives a short, hoarse laugh:: You know, ye-- Nevermind, Red.
(She would have finished with, "You know, yes, I am.")
Fyre Hex: I am sorry about your wife, though. It's good that you're getting back in the game. You're a big help.
Red Pulsarion: (quietly) Fyre?
Red Pulsarion: If you ever need someone to talk to who knows what you're feeling--
Fyre Hex: ::looks away and mumbles:: Thanks.
Red Pulsarion: (sighs and nods) Alright, then. I've said my piece. What you do with it, well, that's up to you.
Red Pulsarion:For what it's worth, though, every minute is--precious. EVERY minute.
Fyre Hex: ::smiles a little:: Red, your hearts in the right place, but... well, it's hard for you to get an idea of the situation after hearing about it for ten minutes, you know?
Red Pulsarion: I heard about it a bit this mornin', too. And I've fought alongside him. But you're right, I'm kinda shooting blind here.
Fyre Hex: And, god knows, if Mason tells you that something's black, check for yourself before you believe it.
Red Pulsarion: ... (shakes his head slowly) Fyre, Mase can be a little clumsy, sure. But I'm pretty sure his heart's in the right place, even if his mouth isn't.
Red Pulsarion: (smiles to himself) 'course, you just said the same thing 'bout me, didn't you.
Fyre Hex: Yeah? You think? Because for the past three days he's been going out of his way to *prove* how much he doesn't care about E, and now he's all apologetic and crap. Because he has an audience. It'll be back to normal by tomorrow.
Red Pulsarion: Fyre. (scratches his chin slowly) How many guys have you gotten to know in your life? Not romantically, just--gotten to know.
Fyre Hex: ::laughs:: Mason's a jerk because he's a guy? No way. Sorry.
Red Pulsarion: (smiles) I'm trying to explain, Fyre. He's not trying to be a jerk at all.
Red Pulsarion: He's building walls, see?
Red Pulsarion: He can't deal with how much it's getting to him, and he's trying to get it under control by putting up a wall.
Red Pulsarion: Not entirely unlike some fiery ladies who've been flying all over blowing stuff up.
Fyre Hex:You know what? I don't care about his "walls," I really don't. Except that he feels the need to lob cannonballs from the tops of them.
Red Pulsarion: (nods) Well, I had a word with him about that. And if I hear he's done it again, he and I will have a few more words.
Red Pulsarion: But if he didn't care, he wouldn't need to put up the wall in the first place, Fyre. Might help to keep that in mind.
Fyre Hex: This is what I'm getting sick of.
Red Pulsarion: Hm?
Fyre Hex: I'm supposed to ignore all his bad behavior because he's got "issues." Fu-- forget that. We've all got "issues." I don't have the... patience to keep dealing with his. There ARE more important things than Mason.
Fyre Hex: It's like... we're supposed to give him a time-out and a slap on the wrist. "Now, Mason, you really shouldn't do that."
(Fyre'd had a very similar conversation with Kit the night before, or at least that's what she'd gotten from the conversation. Like someone said, it's like, "Poor Mason, he's so deep, you all just don't understand him.")
Red Pulsarion: Course there are. (smiles) And I didn't say to ignore anything. If he gives you grief, kick his behind all over the city.
Red Pulsarion: Just keep in mind while you're doin' it, he's got his own issues he's trying to deal with. That's as good as you can do, sometimes.
Fyre Hex: He doesn't have... compassion for anyone else. Let everyone else play enabler for him.
Red Pulsarion: ... Fyre, not to be blunt, but at the moment I don't give a rat's ass about Mase.
Fyre Hex: No? That's not the impression I was getting. I was hearing... well, something different, apparently.
Red Pulsarion: I'm more concerned about a young lady facing the toughest thing in her life. You don't need to defend how you feel about him. Not to me, anyways.
Red Pulsarion: Apparently so. (sighs) Lemme try again. Shorter, maybe.
Red Pulsarion: Your friends want to help you. Let 'em know when they're screwing it up. Loudly, so they get it. But--keep in mind, they're there for you.
Red Pulsarion: Don't push 'em away. It feels mighty good, because you're mad. But--it doesn't help.
Fyre Hex: *I* don't *need* help. And no one is offering it. Even if I did. If anything my "friends" are doing their best to cause more problems.
Red Pulsarion: (quietly) Alright, then, Fyre, I'll stop bugging you. But--just for the record--I AM offering help. You can take it or not, that's up to you.
Fyre Hex: Thanks, but... ::looks away:: Thanks.
Red Pulsarion: (nods) You're welcome.
Red Pulsarion: (looks around) I do believe I managed to blab all our fighting friends off to sleep, though.
Fyre Hex: Oh. Huh. The comm is quiet, isn't it?
Keen Frost: We're alive.
Fyre Hex: ::startles slightly:: Oh. Guess there are still people around.
Red Pulsarion: (surprised)
(Switched from Team to Local)
Red Pulsarion: (apologetically) I didn't realize. I'm sorry.
Fyre Hex: I didn't really, either, I guess. I was.. thinking about other things.
(And I totally wasn't thinking about the conversation being in-team or "on the comm." Between it being late, and the conversations we've had in the team channel but the other characters hadn't "heard," and just being involved in what I was doing, I never thought about it. I don't know if the other characters "heard" or not.)
Red Pulsarion: (nods) Yeah, there'll be a fair amount of thinking about other things in the days to come. (sighs) I wish I could tell you otherwise.
[Team] Masonry Redux: Hello.
Fyre Hex: bites her lip and looks away:: Maybe.
[Team]Keen Frost: ::clears throat::
[Team]Red Pulsarion: Mase, Frost.
Red Pulsarion: (nods) Well, one day at a time, right?
Fyre Hex: tries to smile and fails:: Yeah, guess so.
Red Pulsarion: (gently) Fyre? I know this isn't much, but...
Red Pulsarion: Right up to the end, there's good. Sometimes days, sometimes minutes. But they're still there.
Fyre Hex: ::turns her head away:: Nobody's talking about an end.
Red Pulsarion: (quietly) Course not. And you both keep fighting for as long as makes sense to. Who knows, might even pull a win out of the hat.
Red Pulsarion: If the time comes when you need to change how you think about it, you'll both know it.
Fyre Hex: softly:: He said weeks. Days.
Red Pulsarion: (looks down) Well.
Red Pulsarion: Then lemme make a suggestion.
Red Pulsarion: Don't spend your time listening to an old windbag like me. You don't have much time, maybe. So make the most of what you do have.
Fyre Hex stares at the ground and shakes her head without saying anything, refusing to acknowledge the tears
Red Pulsarion: Fyre...?
Fyre Hex shakes her head again, still not saying anything
Red Pulsarion walks up tentatively.
Red Pulsarion puts a hand on her shoulder quietly.
Fyre Hex lets out half of a sob before backing away and looking past Red's shoulder.
Fyre Hex: I can't... I have to go...
Red Pulsarion: (nods) I understand.
Fyre Hex: I'm-- Thanks.
And she took off. I imagine she went off and cried in corner somewhere, then went to the hospital to wait until she could see E or someone chased her away.

I don't think she's completely out of her denial, but she must be mostly. She won't acknowledge anything outloud, at least. Red showed concern for her, and that doesn't happen to her very often. Mason may have for a minute or two during her first Malta freak-out, but he ruined that about twenty-four hours later. E has, but, not only does he have more important things to think about, but she wouldn't accept it from him right now, because he does have more important things to worry about. Other than that, pretty much never.

Fyre's not "deep," or complicated. She wants to be cared about, but she's never been, so she doesn't expect it, and has a hard time dealing with it when someone does. She's got some of that "I'll hurt you before you hurt me," but she's not a mean person, so that doesn't come out too often. It's not hard to figure her out or figure out what her reactions will be. Sometimes that makes her too easy to set up or set off.

"Angst Force Sunday" should be... interesting.